Its another Day

Today the girls both got up and feeling well, went to school. When I took L to school the teacher said "If only all my kids were as good and well behaved as L I would have a great class" I felt so good about that. Tomorrow is our first Brownie troop meeting I am excited, I hope all the girls will have a good time.
Did any of you watch CSI Miami tonight? In this episode Speed a character they killed off 3 years ago came back as a ghost to visit his friend Eric, and Eric really thought he was alive. At the end of the show they are standing at his grave and he is watching them talk as Eric and Horatio stand there. Eric asks Horatio if he ever sees Speed and Horatio says everyday. It made me think Why cant I see my grandma, even just one day? I know it is just a stupid TV show but I want that so bad. My cousin will be having her first baby any day now, she is having a little girl. I know that it is a sad feeling for her as well to know that my grandma will not be here to share this with her. I am sure that my Grandma has picked the perfect little girl to welcome to our family, and I know that she will be with Kristen and the baby each day, but does that make it any easier? No it sure doesn't. There are so many things that I would like to share with my grandma, each day there is something I would like to call her and tell her. I know that she is watching over me and my family from Heaven but I cant talk to her and I hear her tell me how she feels about things. When does this feeling go away? When does it not seem, like yesterday that she was here yet ages ago that she was here? I know that we all grieve in our own way and each in our time, but I just don't think this is a grief that will pass anytime soon. She was always my rock, my best friend, my confidant, there is never going to be a time, or a person that can replace that. I miss her........................... I miss her so much. The other night I was getting out some clothes for H and I found a shirt that she had bought Hthe last Christmas she was here, I remember how she liked the shirt and how H liked it and I was sad, I was sad the we will not have that with her again. As we are getting to the end of the clothing she bought, I find I am having trouble letting go of those things, I want to save them forever. Anyone who knew her knows she liked to shop and she bought the girls so many things. I cant possibly keep them all, and why do I need to? But I just cant let them go. I know that for my grandpa, he wanted all of her stuff gone, this was his way to deal and for me I want it all here with me. Now all her clothes are long gone, and I don't need it, but I just miss her. I probably should seek some grief counseling, but how will they get me passed it. Can they?The 29Th would have been her birthday and I want to be home to go to the grave and just sit all day and be close to her. No she is not there, nor is even her earthly body, she was cremated. Yes we buried her ashes there, but no she isn't there. She never will be. I haven't been back since the funeral, I haven't seen the headstone. I hope to do that at Christmas, but I am not sure I can go back to their house without her, without her stuff. When we went for the funeral, I avoided her room, her bathroom. The places that I could where she was daily. I of course couldn't avoid the living room or kitchen, but I avoided her car it was hard to not think at anytime she would walk through the door. I am just not sure i can do that again. I recently found out that some people we know back home lost their 11 month old daughter earlier this month, and I feel so bad for them. I cant even imagine loosing a child. Each night I pray for the safety of my children, and I cant imagine how I would deal with that. My prayers go out to them. I know that it must be so hard for them. How do you move on without a child? I know that God will never give you more than you can handle. I know that I could not handle that. Anyway please pray for this family, I don't want to go into great detail, but just pray that they find peace with the fact that their little Angel is now in Heaven running free and playing.
Sorry for the depressing post, thanks for checking on us. Till next time remember to hug and kiss your family and tell them you love them, today is gone and tomorrow may never come...........