Reflections

I sat today and thought about my life and what it has become. Never did I think fifteen years ago that I would be married to Michael, have three kids and be a stay at home mom. Twelve and a half years ago when Mike and I started dating my life was headed on a much different path. I was engaged to be married to someone else, I was working and going to school. I never thought about having kids at all. I was focused on school and work. Then as I started moving up the ladder at work, my focus became work. When Michael came back into my life (we knew each other in high school), the furthest thing from my mind was marrying him and having children. I was content, I thought I was happy with my life. When he came into and showed me how fun I could be and how fun he and I were together. He showed me love like I didn't know. I was willing to settle for what I had. Don't get me wrong, the person I was with was a good person, but he wasn't the person for me. He let me walk all over him, and do what I wanted and I called the shots. He was younger than me, and he and I were very different people from different backgrounds. Michael and I were alot alike and shared alot of interest. So when I called off my wedding in August of 1996, and started to date Michael it was all new. I moved out of my moms house in with my best friend Marley, and that next Valentines Mike proposed to me. I cant believe 11 years ago he asked me to marry him. Michael saw me for who I was, he stood his ground with me and never let me get away with to much, he still does most of the time. And I love him for that. The next Aug we were married with family and my best friend Brandie in Vegas. It was great. We honeymooned with his family at Disney Land, and all was good. A few months later I found out I was pregnant, and lost the baby. I was devastated. I really wanted that baby. I think then I realized I truly wanted to be a mom. The next year as I was focused on my job I was pregnant again, and again lost the baby. I was again devastated. But I think God know the perfect time to give us H and I cant imagine life without her. Looking back now although I am sad for the two babies I lost I know that we were young and it was for the best. I know they are in Heaven watching over us. I know they met my Grandma as she entered the Holy Kingdom. In 2000, when I learned again I was pregnant, I was excited but cautious. We took all the precautions to make sure she came into the world safe and sound. My pregnancy was great until the end when my blood pressure got dangerously high, and I previa and was put on bed rest. Until years later I guess I never realized how serious it was the morning H was born. I am glad it all happened the way it did and that I have her. After she was born I was prepared to continue with my career path, until one week in October 2001 I was set to go back to work the next week when I got a call from my grandma, They wanted to help us out and let me stay home with H for the first year of her life, they were going to help us keep up with our bills for a year. This again was Gods doing, he knew that in a few month I would have had to quit this job to follow my husband on his career path to North Carolina. My grandparents did help us, not only that year, but in the years to follow. They have never really stopped helping me. I mean I got a car from my grandpa this Christmas. I am truly blessed to have my family. And I love them so much. In 2004 when I found out I was pregnant with L I was excited to have my second child and we awaited her arrival. She came 20 days early, again due to my blood pressure. My mom flew in that day and out 3 days later. She stayed with H and it was a blessing. After L arrived, I thought I was done having kids. I didn't get my tubes tied, "just in case" In Nov I spoke with my Dr. about getting an IUD put in, I we told yes. As soon as I started my next period to call and they would do it. Well I waited and waited, that just never happened. I believe this was Gods way of telling me I needed my little boy and then I was done. I also believe this was Gods way of helping my through the tough year that would be 2006. I never really wanted a little boy. I mean I had 2 girls and didn't really know what to do with a boy. But he has been a true blessing from the beginning. I picture my Grandma in Heaven telling him all about us before his arrival here on earth. I believe she chose the perfect little boy for us. God I miss her so. 2006 would turn out to be the worst year of my life, with the exception of G's arrival the year was horrible. When I was 6 month pregnant suddenly and unexpectedly my light was snuffed out. One June 12, when my Grandma died a part of me was gone too, a part that until I die and meet her in Heaven will never be whole again. She was my everything. Then On August 14, just 2 weeks before G was born Vicki left this earth as well. She and I were not that close as we didn't see eye to eye on much, but in my own way I did love her and I do miss her. I know that it has been hard for Michael although he NEVER talks about it. I know he misses her. Thank God for Garrett's arrival on the 29th 3 weeks early but weighing 8lbs he was our bright spot for that year. Then in 2007, something happened, the relationship between me and my mom blossomed, we have grown so much closer over the past year that ever at any point and our lives. I cant help but think my Grandma has a hand in that. For that I thank her so much.

That brings us back to my original statement I am now a Stay at Home mom to 3 great kids. Never was that in my plans. I am truly blessed to have my life, my family, and my great kids. Although not every day do I see it that way, I know that there are alot of people that don't have what I do and want it. I am grateful to God for giving me what I have. Thank you Lord! I love you with all my heart and soul..................................................................................