I stayed up until 1:20am this morning cleaning up the playroom, and tonight it looks horrible again. I don't know what to do to get my family to help around the house. When I left for work it was cleaned up, and now it is a mess again. Any suggestions?
Today was a day when I really missed my grandma, I don't know why today was different, I have been at work for almost a week, but tonight I saw the clothes. Clothes that she would have loved, and I was sad. It took everything in my not to break down right there. This month would have been her birthday, and this is the third without her. How can it be that she isn't here. How can it be that she has been gone for over 2 years, how can it be that she isn't here. I still miss her so much. So much that it hurts so bad. When does it stop? When does the pain go away? I though it would get easier, but I still miss her today as much as ever. I want to call her and chat. Why cant she be here to chat with? I cant do the simplest thing without thinking of her. Yesterday I got my hair done and when I asked for the color I made sure to tell them I needed one without red tones because my grandma gave me her red tones in my hair. Then I felt bad, like I should leave the red. But she hated her red hair she never had red hair for as long as I can remember. God I miss her so much!
2 comments:
Christy, I am sorry you are hurting this way. You are in my thoughts and prayer tonight. I hope that god will give you the comfort and peace you so much need, he is capable of so much and I know that he is here with you and your grandmother is here with you too, in your heart. Trust in him, lean on him. I know its hard to understand why it happened this way, but god knows, its part of his plan and even though we don't understand it and wish to know the answers he wont let us down, on the contrary his hand is always guiding us and sometimes he is even carrying us. God bless you.
Christy,
I'm sorry that you are still feeling so much pain. I don't think the pain ever goes away. I think we just learn to cope and tolerate it more as the years go on. Would it be helpful to you to write a journal (in an actual book) of all your memories, stories, and any pictures of her. It might not be pleasant, but then you can share those great memories and stories with your children. Sharing might be what helps heal your broken heart.
As for your playroom, Maybe taking away their toys and leaving them with one or two would help send a message to them. If they can't respect their toys, then they can't have them. If they want them back, they can earn them back by being respectful of eachother and of what they have. I think that by you cleaning them up night after night, they know that you'll do their dirty work and aren't motivated to clean up after themselves.
I hope any of that advice works for you.
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