Blogging

Blogging used to be my salvation, I started blogging in 2004 before L was born. As time progressed I had to move my blog from our family website to a more private place to hide from certain people who tried to use my own words against me taking them out of context. I have taken a significant break from blogging for no reason in particular other than I just got lazy. I am done with my hiatus. I like blogging and feel some how it gives me an out or a voice that I wouldn't have other wise. So I am back on the blogging and hopefully back for good this time.

As you have seen we have been really focused on hair in our house. H has had a really hard time making friends here and she feels part of it is her looks. I personally think she is beautiful but she is doubtful of this so if I have to get up at the crack of dawn to fix hair I will do it if it makes her feel better. For those of you who know me, you know my life is my kids. I would do anything for them give anything for them. I hope they truly know how much I love them.

G's birthday is the end of the month and we have decided to take him on a train ride because trains and cars are his absolute favorite things, he is super excited. I am sad that it will not include any family but our immediate. I wish my mom thought it was important enough to come do birthdays with them. It truly hurts my heart that she doesn't. It hurts that I see all my friends family come visit them or their children get to go stay with their grandparents and my kids miss out on that. I don't understand because to me they are the greatest thing ever. I hope that someday my mom doesn't regret her decision to not be more involved in their lives. My dad is not a kid person at all so that will never happen. Maybe it is me, but I cant understand how you wouldn't want to spend time with them while you can and while they still think you hung the moon. My kids absolutely love my mom and they miss her so much why cant she see that? It hurtful and I hope that they aren't as hurt by it as I am. When I was younger I remember going and spending time with my grandparents during the summer and loving it. I want that for my kids. I wonder why it is now that we live closer to her we see less of her. It is so hard. I guess some people are made to be around kids and some people aren't. Apparently my family falls in the don't category and I like my grandma fall in the do category. Man I miss her.

Some days it seems like an eternity since I talked to her or saw her and some days it seems like yesterday. The other day the kids were playing and G did something cute and I actually thought I should call and share it with her. How is that possible that she has been gone for four years now and I had the thought as though she want gone at all that I would call her. My heart aches, it aches for the fact that I know she would love to be involved in my kids lives and that my mom doesn't want to be. My mom loves to spoil the kids but she wants to do it from a far. I love her and I think she is a great person I just feel my kids are being cheated of that greatness. My Grandma was defiantly that greatness and she would have shown it to my kids whenever she could. I know she would have.

Tomorrow is our little friend M's bday party he will Be turning three we are super excited to go to his party I even took off work so we could go. J and I have been kind of having a rough time lately. We have both been super caught up in things at our houses and have neglected each other and its sad, as she is one of the greatest people I know. I relate to her on a level that I don't most other people. So we have to get back on with our friendship and lean more on each other instead of trying to deal on our own. We are both like that in a lot of ways we choose to deal with things alone instead of leaning on others when we really should. I love her and I know as things get back to a routine we will be fine.

I am on a mission as soon as the kids back to school I will spend the first month deep cleaning and reorganizing this house. I am going to clean out toys get rid of alot and get some order in this house as we have none now. We are so disorganised that I reformatted my computer about a month ago and cant find the pictures I took off of the computer they are just gone disk is missing. And we shouldn't be like this. The kids have totally stopped helping clean up the messes and are going to bed about 11pm. WE are way out of discipline right now and I cant stand it, so as soon as school goes back we will have some major changes going on. Pray for us that this all goes smoothly.

Again I know I have neglected my blogging for way to long so I plan to put a stop to that so keep checking on us. I love blogging! Till next time remember to hug and kiss your family and tell them you love them, today is gone and tomorrow may never come...........................